Berkley's Birth Story

During my time in the hospital, we were always unsure when I was going to actually have her. I just knew that I would have to have a C-section due to placenta previa. At 32 weeks, I got shots to make her lungs develop faster, because we wanted to be cautious since chances were she was going to come much earlier than we wanted her to.

We hadn't totally decided on a name, so we felt a little rushed since she could come anytime! We narrowed it down to Berkley, Reagan, or Holland (we're both Dutch so we thought it was cute and fitting for us).

As my doctor would come visit me every few days while I was in the hospital, he kept giving me the option to either just keep waiting it out or choose to get an amnio as early as 36 weeks and if her lungs were developed then I could choose to have a c-section right then. I had a really hard time deciding and kept going back and forth. I wanted to make the right decision, because I would feel awful if she had to be in the NICU or had any serious complications. I was always told that every day they grow so much in the womb and I didn't want to take her out early if it was best not to. I'd ask my doctor, "If I was your daughter, what would you tell me to do?" and he'd just always say that there is no wrong decision. 

On one hand, I didn't want to take her out early because she needed that time to grow and develop. On the other hand, I didn't want to start hemorhagging and have it be an emergency and have my doctor have to race to the hospital. I wanted it to be a controlled situation and a planned c-section. I just felt so much calmer about that decision and I just prayed that she will be healthy despite being 4 weeks early! 

So at exactly 36 weeks, I got the amnio (which I was so terrified about! Um, a HUGE needle going deep into my belly and into my uterus and possibly puncturing my baby?! Scary). It was pretty crazy, though, to watch on the ultra sound my doctor putting the needle in and see the needle and the baby on the screen guiding him so he doesn't poke her! The results came back 6 hours later showing her lungs were developed so the c-section was a go! The c-section was scheduled for the next day at 5pm. 

Right before the C-section and being pretty nervous!

Before I got wheeled into the OR, I asked if they could wheel me to a room with a scale so I could know how much I weighed before I had her. Haha, is that weird? I hadn't weighed myself in like 4 weeks so I wanted to know! 

The c-section was so strange. Jeff recorded the whole thing and I just kept saying, "This is so weird."  I just felt numb and my body was being yanked side to side so roughly and I couldn't feel anything by pressure. 

Berkley Elizabeth Giles

Born 5:21 pm

5 lbs 15 oz

17.5 inches long 

and BEAUTIFUL.

The second Dr. Bohman threw her over the sheet so I could see her, I said to Jeff, "She looks just like you!" 

Jeff went back to the NICU to get her shots and measure her while they stitched me up and wheeled me back to my room to recover. He had sent this picture out to friends and family with her measurements  and my sister-in-law had texted and told me how beautiful she is and told me how much she weighed. It was funny because I didn't even know what her measurements were yet! 

Berkley was healthy and was able to come home with us! She was a little jaundice, but we just wrapped the light up with her in a blanket for an hour or two and she was fine.

Proud Grandpa, Uncle & Dad!

Of course the Pixley's came to see us! This is Trevin :)

Documenting Jeff's FIRST diaper change EVER.

Believe it or not, this is the only family picture we have in the hospital! And it's a selfie right before we went home haha.

She was just about the tiniest thing I could have imagined. She dropped down to 5 lb 9 oz while we were there. I look at newborn size clothes now and can't believe my little girl wore that size for almost 2 months! I already forget how small she used to be.

We had so many friends and family come to the hospital to see her before we were discharged and we  barely took any photos! I think I was just in so much pain from the C-section and so over being there that we (at least I) didn't think to take pictures. She was born on Tuesday and we finally left Saturday!! It was the best feeling in the world to come home!!! It had been almost a month since I had been back home. And we went straight from the hospital to Cafe Rio for some take out and then went The house was spotless and my mom had put a cute It's a Girl balloon on the front porch.

Berkley coming to us safely and being healthy was such a blessing for us. She's the sweetest little thing and we love her beyond words. 

Pre-baby Time

I know, I can't believe I'm finally getting around to posting a portion of Berkley's birth story!! So embarrassing. I figured since she's 9 months old, it is only fitting that I get it done now :)

So, my pregnancy was a little crazier than I anticipated it to be! I tell Jeff now that I loved being pregnant, and he just says "Are you CRAZY? It was horrible!" But when I say, I loved being pregnant, I mean I loved it between 18 weeks to 31 weeks. I was so sick up until like 18 weeks and then I was on bed rest at 32 weeks. So, I guess thats pretty normal to love being pregnant for the few months in the middle :)   At the beginning, Jeff was so sweet to get me a big bowl in the middle of the night as I was throwing up and couldn't make it to the bathroom. He'd rub my feet every night when I got so swollen from working 10 hour days and tell me how proud he was of me for never calling in sick even when I couldn't keep down a few saltine crackers and watered down Gatorade. He was seriously so sympathetic toward me the whole time. One time I remember he randomly got nauseous for no reason at all (empathy pains, maybe?) and he couldn't stop telling me how now he understood what I feel like ALL day long and how sorry he felt for me. He was the sweetest.

When I was 12 weeks along, I was coming home from a girls trip in Utah with some friends and started to bleed. A lot. It was so scary because I was 11 weeks, 6 days along and remember being so excited because I was just about out of the woods with being nervous about miscarrying. That was my biggest fear after going through InVitro and having it be successful and then losing the baby. I was a wreck! I tried to stay calm when going to the hospital, but I was sure that I had lost our baby after seeing so much blood. After a horrible experience at the ER, it ended happily knowing that I still had our little miracle. 

I switched doctors after I got pregnant, mostly because my dad wanted me to. He got so protective over this baby before I even got pregnant. He became so emotionally invested from the beginning and wanted the best for me, so I did it really to appease him, but so glad I did. He is the best! I was so fortunate that my new OB, Dr. Bohman, was already a high risk doctor and someone who I've known since I was little! He was our family's hometeacher in my old ward growing up. I saw Dr. Bohman every two weeks my whole pregnancy. I had something called "placenta previa", which is what caused me to bleed throughout my pregnancy. I didn't have any bleeding episodes from 12 weeks to 32 weeks. At 32 weeks, I was put at home bed rest for a week because of that, and then he gave me the ok to go back to work but then I had 2 more major bleeding episodes within 10 days. So after going to the hospital for the 3rd time, he told me that I needed to stay there until I delivered the baby.

Hospital bed rest was really hard for us to hear, because we were not prepared for it. I was not ready to stop working so soon and not having that 2nd income and having the additional medical bills on top of it, but we knew it was for the best interest for me and our baby.

Being in the hospital for so long, was also a very humbling experience for me. I was on the receiving end of so much service. It was an incredibly stressful time for Jeff and I. Poor Jeff was just so exhausted all the time. He would wake up at 6:30am, go to work all day, get off at 6pm, go straight to the hospital because he knew I was bored, be there until 11pm, go home and wake up and do it all over again. I am really blessed to have such amazing friends, family and ward members who did so much for us during those weeks. I don't think I went a day without having someone visit me. People brought me care packages, home cooked meals, take-out, magazines, nail polish, games, etc. One of my best friends, Janae, even brought her wax pot and waxed my eye brows! It was the best! I felt so much better about myself after getting my brows done. People whom I barely knew even took time to pop in and visit with me. These times were so unexpected and so sweet. I was blown away at how much others truly cared about our situation. My mom was also someone who was so incredibly amazing. Since bed rest was so unexpected, she put together the nursery and washed and sorted all the clothes, did all the organizing, etc. My brothers and sisters-in-law all deep cleaned our house, just so we had a clean house to come home to with our brand new baby. I really learned a lot about service after this experience. I will forever be incredibly grateful for all the love I felt from so many people. It eased the stress from Jeff and I immensely.

Hospital bed rest of not fun to say the least! Although, I did really like all my nurses (for the most part) who I got to know really well :)  I literally couldn't get out of bed unless it was to go to the bathroom that was about 6 ft away from my bed and then back to bed I went. I couldn't walk for fear of having a major bleeding episode, possible hemorrhaging and needing emergency surgery which could result in scary things like losing too much blood during the C-section and needed a blood transfusion, etc.

The absolute worst part of hospital bed rest for me, was my dreadful IVs! I had to get a new IV put in every 3 days and it was horrible! We had to do this, so in case of emergency C-section, I already had an IV in so we were good to go, instead of me possibly hemmorhaging, making sticking me with a needle hard to do. Through this process, I learned that my veins are small and I have lots of valves all around them making it really difficult to get an IV needle in. To this day, I still have scars from them. I ranked my love for the nurse based on their level of good IV handling. At one point, after several attempts from different nurses, and me being in so much pain, they finally got the anesthesiologist in my room doing it for me and numbing the area. It was heaven when he did it! I barely felt anything. I begged him to come back every 3 days to do it!

So this was my life in the hospital before Berkley's arrival!

This is what I looked like every day. Monitor around my belly, iPad in hand, with my cell phone being charged right next to me, and big cups of water and all my snacks on the little table.

 Me at 34 weeks. I posted this in black and white because that is how I feel about being in the hospital. I know, so dramatic haha.

 We have the best friends! These are the Pixley's. Chris and Natalie, or just Natalie, or Natalie and her kids, would come visit me seriously at least every other day the entire time I was there. They would bring me homecooked meals, Cafe Rio, etc when I insisted I didn't need it! We played Phase10 many a nights. I couldn't believe how much time they took from their busy lives to come see me all the time.

Mother's Day! Jeff brought me beautiful red roses and a sweet baby book so I could spend some time filling it out since I had all the time in the world! It was really cute.

 Jeff wheeled me outside every now and again so I could get a little fresh air. This picture was the first time I had been outside in 10 days!! I felt like I was in a prison, except for prison was probably better, because at least the prisoners get recess every day :)  A joke that Jeff did was as he'd wheel me through the halls, down the elevator, he'd tell me how the outside world had changed since I'd last seen it. Trees were extinct, cars now flew instead of drove, etc. It was so funny to me haha.

These are a few of the many gifts I received during my time at the hospital! Audrey gave me this bag full of snacks, socks to keep my feet warm, coloring books and so many things! It was so cute.

My mother-in-law, and sis-in-law, Sally, sent me such a thoughtful package of things to keep me busy! I made this baby beanie :)

My aunt made this cute bouquet with snacks like oranges, nuts crackers (since I couldn't have any sugar due to hypoglycemia), and headbands for baby girl! It was so cute.

And this was taken the night before having our little baby! I was 36 weeks exactly. In the background are some of my homemade cards I received! The poster was from my Activity Day girls :)

My pregnancy was not ideal, but we got through it and it just made Berkley's arrival that much sweeter. I will post the actual delivery in the next post. 

Maternity Pictures

I decided I wanted some maternity pictures last minute, so my brother was nice enough to take some for us! I think this was when I was 32 weeks along. 

Finding Out

This is a horrible job of me playing catch up. Oh well. 

We found out we were having a girl when i was 15 weeks pregnant. A lot of my friends tell me they don't find out until much later, but my doctor will just tell you as soon as they can seen. The upside to having a higher risk pregnancy and having to go in every two weeks my entire pregnancy, was that they had plenty of opportunities to see if they could tell the gender! So this appointment was right before work early morning, as usual,  and Jeff couldn't be there since he works all the way across town. I think he went to one appointment my whole pregnancy. The tech said she knew what it was, so I had her write it down and put it in an envelope so Jeff and I could open it up and be surprised together. So I had the envelope sitting in my car my entire 10 hour shift at work and I then went straight to a Christmas dinner with the girls I work with right after, so I didn't get home until 9pm, so I was dying to know what we were having! It was so fun to be in our living room, just me and Jeff, and open it up together. I was pretty sure we were having a boy, but to our surprise it was a girl!! We were thrilled. 

I'm baaack!

I know you have probably thought (or you haven't because no one reads this) that I have given up on the ole' blog. But I have not! I am determined to catch myself up, because this is our journal. Well, to say the least, A LOT has happened since I last posted, and I am hoping to slowly update to now. So I will just begin with posting some pregnancy pictures that we took.

That last one was in that hospital bathroom that I never want to see again! :) Can you tell I hated being there?

24 weeks.

How far along are you?: 24 weeks 3 days
Total weight gain: 13 lbs.  It's just so weird to me, because I've never gained weight at this pace!
Maternity clothes? Yes, and its soo much more comfortable. Why didn't I do this sooner?!
Sleep: Still great! Have to just sleep with more than one pillow now.
Best moment this week: Spending our anniversary together with Jeff! It's been a fun 3 years. And seems to be the year of threes from for us!
Miss anything? I currently miss going to theme parks (I would've forced Jeff to take me to Knott's for our anniversary if I could've gone!)
Movement: She's not as active as she was before; I think she's just becoming more lazy like her mom :)  I felt her for the first time at about 18 weeks and Jeff felt her kick for the first time at about 19 weeks.
Food cravings: I still haven't had any cravings, really. On Valentine's day all I wanted was a burger and donuts, so we went to Red Robin and Krispy Kreme :) That's about the extent of it.
Anything make you queasy or sick?  Still brushing my teeth, but it's getting better.
Gender:  Still a girl
Labor signs: I started getting what I think might be Braxton Hicks? I'm not really sure, but they came in 15 min intervals over the weekend and made me nervous! I'm sure it's all fine though. I just didn't think people usually get them this early.
Symptoms: Just tired usually.
Belly button in or out:  It's half and half. I think it's going to pop soon :/
Wedding ring: On
Happy or moody most of the time: Still happy usually! That might change though the bigger and more uncomfortable I get.

It's gone by really fast! We haven't bought a single item (not even a cute little outfit!) or done anything to the nursery, and we just started realizing we need to do that. So the next few weekends we're going to get to different projects we need to do.

17 weeks.

So I'm 17 weeks and considering how early we found out and how this pregnancy has been a long time coming, I feel like it's actually gone by fast so far! 

Yeah, I know I'm big! Everyone was like "Oh you're so tall, you won't start showing til at least 20 weeks. Most girls don't with their first one. Um, nope! 

I have not been keeping track of every minute like most girls do with their first. I think it's probably because I've been so sick and working full-time that I just haven't had the energy to do anything cute starting from the beginning and documenting everything little thing. Now I wish I had! 

I saw this on someone's blog and thought it's the closest thing I can easily do to remember different parts of my pregnancy...

How far along are you? 17 weeks 1 day

Total weight gain: 4 lbs  (I know, it doesn't seem right! but I was at the dr's a few days ago and that's what it said). My appetite is in full swing now and I can eat seriously so much, so cheers to probably gaining a 100 lbs by the end! I'm scared...

Maternity clothes?: I'm having a hard time dressing myself! None of my tops are fitting right. I think it's because of my long torso and tops were shorter as it is, so forget about it with this belly I'm already growing! I just ordered a couple maternity tops online. Boo. I was hoping I could hold out longer. 

Stretch marks: Not yet

Sleep: Heavenly! Jeff leaves before me and always texts me later in the morning and says how "dead" I was before he left. 

Best moment this week: Seeing our baby girl on Friday, and watching the Bachelor premier last night! 

Miss anything? I miss getting different facial treatments that I can't do anymore! BUT my skin has actually gotten really clear since I've been pregnant! Loving that part of it. 

Movement:  None yet. I thought I felt flutters, but I don't think so. 

Food cravings: I can eat pizza all day everyday. Even when I was super sick, pizza was the only thing that didn't send me running to the bathroom. 

Anything making you queasy or sick?: Brushing my teeth! I need to find a different flavor to see if that helps

Gender: a little lady :)  Jeff couldn't make it to the dr appt that day (I was 15 weeks and we also didn't know if we were going to be able to find out that day), so I had the tech write it in an envelope and I went straight to work and worked all day and then had a work dinner that night so I didn't get home til 9:30pm for us to open it! We were dying to know all day! I'm nervous about having a girl because I'm not really that girly, but we are so excited! 

Labor signs: none

Symptons: Still get sick in the mornings, usually exhausted (I seriously haven't cooked dinner in like 4 months. Sorry Jeffy) 

Belly button in our out?: In

Wedding rings on or off?: on

Happy or moody most of the time?: I would say happy. I rarely get moody. Always been pretty even-tempered my whole life and this pregnancy hasn't really changed me much in that way! Although I get grumpy when I'm hungry (but if you ask Jeff, it's been that way our whole marriage :) 

our baby story.

We are having a BABY! This has been a long awaited blessing and we are so excited it's finally here. I'd like to just document our whole story, so I don't forget all the details in years to come :) I know this will be so long, but I want to keep this.

The plan Jeff and I had from the beginning was to wait a year and then get pregnant. So we started "trying" December of 2010 (10 months after we were married). Looking back now, it seems kind of silly that we were planning out our future as if we had complete control over everything! After mentioning to my doctor in February that we were planning on getting pregnant at any time, he said to come back after a total of 6 months because he believes in infertility after no success after 6 months (which now I'm so grateful he believes in just 6 months is considered infertility, when most doctors say 1 year-- it has sped up the process that we had no idea we were about to endure). 

So June comes around and I was in his office curious with what the next step would be. He put me on Clomid (100 mg). Clomid is a fertility pill and they monitor you with ultrasound to see how everything looks and how big your follicles are producing. We tried 3 months of doing this, which is 3 rounds of it. After a few months with no success, my doctor felt like something else was wrong. Most normal women get pregnant quickly on this drug. So he decided to perform surgery on me to see if I had Endometriosis. This was September of 2011. After 3 hours of surgery and a painful recovery, he confirmed I had Endometriosis and one of the worst cases of it he had seen! He said, "No wonder you weren't getting pregnant! Hopefully this did the trick, if not, come back in 3 months." 

Again, nothing happened during that time, so I found myself in his office again. He decided to put me back on Clomid and was hopeful it would work, because now all my insides were scraped and cleaned out from the surgery. We did a round... nothing happened. We did it again... nothing happened. By this time, my doctor was stumped and said we should stop doing Clomid, since more than 5 or so times is unhealthy on your body and he referred me to Dr. Danishmand. A fertility specialist who we came to LOVE. 

We saw Dr. Danishmand in, I think, July of 2012 and went to a free seminar and were quick to be on board with the idea of undergoing fertility treatments. After a few weeks of diagnostic testing for both Jeff and I, we had a private consultation with him. After looking at the results, he said we could either do IUI (artificial insemination) which would give us about a 12% chance of conceiving OR we could do IVF (InVitro Fertilization) and we'd have about an 80% chance of success.

After some prayerful thinking and talking it over, we decided to go through IVF despite the extreme expense it would be for us. We wanted that baby! And we were willing to make that financial sacrifice for this precious child. 

So, in September we began our cycle. The fertility center ordered all of my medications and had it sent to my home. I was shocked when I opened the huge box! Our kitchen table seriously looked like a pharmacy with all sorts of pills, vials, needles, syringes, etc. I had to give myself 2 to 3 shots in my stomach every night for a week and half, as well as take several kinds of pills 4 times a day. A friend from our ward, Jen Eckersley who is a nurse, was so amazing and came over to our house every night at 8pm to do my shots, because Jeff could not bring himself to stick needles in my tummy and I sure as heck didn't want to do them myself. We are so grateful that she lives nearby and took time each night to do this for us. Our last shot we had to do was the "trigger shot" which had to be given in my backside exactly 32 hours before the Egg Retrieval. So at 2am one night, sweet Jen gave me my last shot. 

The egg retrieval is the surgery in which the doctor extracts all the eggs (or follicles) that my body had produced through all my shots that I had been doing. Leading up to this, I was in the office every other day for blood work and ultrasounds to monitor how many follicles my body was producing. Every woman is different and can range from unfortunately zero eggs, or all the way up to dozens and dozens of eggs (a friend of mine produced 56 follicles!). Before the retrieval, we had seen 17 follicles and Dr. D and all the nurses were pleased with that and said it's more than average. I was happy! 

The morning of the retrieval, I was so nervous because I was to be put under anesthesia and I wanted everything to go smoothly. After I had woken up in the recovery room, Dr. D came in and told me he was able to retrieve 10 eggs which is less than we were hoping and that he was hopeful we would have one or two good embryos to implant. 

After the retrieval, they had taken each egg and sperm to create embryos and the doctor called me every couple of days to inform us on how well (or not so well) they were developing. Each couple of days, a few embryos would not make it and our number of good quality embryos were dwindling. Our hope was to implant 2 embryos (and maybe get twins!) and then freeze the rest of the embryos to use for future pregnancies. My transfer (implantation day) was scheduled to be on Monday, Oct 1st. So the Saturday before that was the last time Dr. D had called about the embryo developments. He had told me that at that time we had 3 embryos left so far. 

Monday morning we came in for the big transfer day!! This was the day, we were hoping to get pregnant! I got all dressed up in that cute gown and hair wrap. Jeff and I were so nervous. I was so happy he was there with me. Dr. D came in and informed us that we had just ONE embryo good enough to implant. We were a little disappointed at first, because we had gotten excited at the thought of twins and too nervous to put all of our money and hope into just one embryo making it. But we had no choice and hoped for the best outcome! 

Oct. 1: TRANSFER DAY!

After the Transfer, I was put on bed rest for 3 days. I stayed at my parents house, since Jeff had to work, and they were so great and took the best care of me. My dad did NOT let me get off that recliner chair!  On Thursday afternoon, Oct 4th (hours after I had gone in for follow up blood work),  Dr. D called me and said what we had been praying to hear-- my levels were high and he is sure that I was pregnant!!! I was not expecting to know that soon. He said everything looked good, but he wanted me to come into the office again Saturday morning for the official pregnancy test blood work. So in I went, and they confirmed 100% that we were, in fact, expecting our little miracle baby. Our one little embryo that was left. We were so so happy. Our Father in heaven had granted us this blessing that we had been praying for for so long.

This was just the picture we sent out to our family to tell them the big news. I felt overjoyed and blessed by their love and support throughout this whole process. We have felt their prayers and we feel so grateful to have such great families on both sides who love us and were rooting for us from the beginning. 

After the positive pregnancy test, I still had to give myself shots and take pills and be monitored for the first 9 weeks, then I went to my regular OB from that point on. So this is the morning we "graduated" from the fertility center at 9 weeks along. We were stoked. 

Our announcement picture :)  

Our little bean at 13 weeks! We call him/her the Tumbler, because it seriously does flips and bounces all over the place. 

We could not be more excited about what our future holds and that we finally get the opportunity to become parents to this sweet baby. We have just felt so blessed up until now and I know prayers are heard and answered. I love my family so much for their outpour of love through this emotional process! We can't wait for June to get here!!!

On Saturday morning, Elizabeth Smart came to speak at our stake center to the Relief Society women of our stake! It was amazing to hear her and to be so close to her! I can't even describe the glow she had and her poise and elegance. She is an amazing woman. Her testimony is remarkable after having gone through such a hard trial in her life. She did mention a scripture that touched me.  D&C 24:8 "Be patient in afflictions, for thou shalt have many; but endure them, for lo, I am with thee, even unto the end of thy days." Although the small trial I am currently facing with infertility is so small compared to what Elizabeth had to endure, it's still comforting to know we can seek wisdom and advice through the words of the scriptures no matter what we are going through. Elizabeth was so inspiring, and I hope to have the strength she has as I go through the many trials I will experience in this lifetime.

So remember WAY back when I posted about going to conference with our friends? (I really need to get better about updating.) Well, at conference was when Chris made the decision to be baptized!! We were so beyond happy. After attending conference, he was totally pumped about getting baptized. He said that President Monson is "the real deal". I feel so grateful that everything worked out so that we were able to all go.

Yesterday was the big day for Chris. The baptism was so great. The room was filled with the Spirit and Chris was just beaming. Jeff spoke and did a great job. I feel so blessed to have witnessed his conversion process and am so happy for their family. The gospel is such a beautiful thing. 

This weekend Jeff and I went to Salt Lake for General Conference with some friends from our ward. The husband isn't a member, but he had a great experience this weekend and really enjoyed Priesthood session. I'm excited for what may come from this in the future. It was a quick trip, arriving at 2am Friday night and leaving Sunday morning. But it was well worth it. I love the feeling that I have this time of year. I was so bad at taking pictures!! I wish we got one of the four of us, but we were so late getting to the conference center and in a rush to leave afterward. 

Friday night, while the boys were at Priesthood, I went down to Provo and stayed the night with one of my dearest friends, Diana. It was SO much fun. It had been well over a year since we've seen each other, so this was much needed.

We spent our night eating, shopping, Yogurtland, chatting, and giving each other facials.

Giving each other facials at 2am. Totally normal. 

The weather was so nice and out of nowhere there was a strange snow storm on Sunday and most of the drive home! 

We had such a good weekend and a much needed getaway trip! I feel like lately our lives have been consumed by work. I'm not complaining though. It's been great.